Reminiscing
by always-kh
Summary: A mission goes horribly awry for Tifa and Leon but maybe it won't be a total loss. written for 'The Sacred and Profane'. pairings: TifaxLeon and implied Clourith/Claerith. Revamped. Major changes.


**A/N:** oneshot pairing request written for and dedicated to The Sacred and Profane (check out his stuff too, though preferably after you read mine!) Also thx for reading!

Genres: Humor, romance, and some angst because despite the fact it was supposed to be mostly fluff apparently I fail at that. It seems i can't write anything without some level of angst. But hopefully it's fitting and balanced. It's more serious than i intended but well... opinions on the changes would be great. If you want a fluff piece read 'doctor's visits and distractions' that one is probably the closest i've done to fluff...  
It still does have funny and cute parts though i think! I'm of the opinion the worries and all make the joy and meaningful moments have that much more significance. and sweeter.

...

Reminiscing

As she made her last preparations before stepping out of the gummi ship she really hoped that this mission would go well and quickly. She'd already explored enough worlds before and didn't wish to see anymore. But she could hardly refuse, they were doing this as a favor to the Keyblade master, Sora. That kid had enough to handle, it was the least they could do after he'd save their worlds several times and quite probably the entire multiverse to boot. Still, that didn't mean she had to _like _it; she'd volunteered both Cloud and Yuffie, but, one they both had airsickness, and two Leon had insisted on her accompanying him anyway.

Maybe she was being childish. Just a little. And overreacting to boot. She was pretty sure that most of the men in her acquaintance would agree with that idea. They were all of the broody model though so she was willing to discount that a little. Besides this was not a pleasant experience for her, she hadn't wanted to go, and this world reminded her too much of some of the others she'd been on where she'd nearly gotten **eaten!** Yes eaten, well nearly so. If she had been eaten she wouldn't have this problem right now. So she considered herself entitled to whine and dawdle just a bit.

So, as she hesitantly stepped off the ship, she began feeling funny… dizzy (is the world spinning?) and achy (I feel like an old woman!) and her bones hurt so much and her skin felt itchy. Wait… she still felt a little sick and out of it but when had the gummi ship gotten so big? It appeared to have grown either that or… she looked down at herself and then was fully awakened-_What the Hell!_

"Ack! What am I?" she squealed. "I'm a monkey! How did this happen?"

"Baboon, actually," she heard Squall reply placidly. As if she cared what it was called, monkey, baboon, whatever it made no difference; the main point was she was ugly! She was ugly and had a big red butt and was hairy and gross! She wasn't used to being ugly! Okay she wasn't really used to being seen as an individual either; 'My face is up here!' she'd always have to wryly remind men she met as most had an unfortunate tendency to look at her somewhere other than in the face. Fortunately Squall, err Leon, had always been different- or hid it better, she still wasn't sure which- but had good leanings toward the former. Mostly in the form of Yuffie, who would have happily said something if there was any evidence of the latter (that girl thrived on creating awkward situations full of blushes).

Nonetheless she turned to fix him a glare but found she had to look up at… a large grey thing. Wait, it had a horn… "You're a rhino?" she blurted out while inwardly going into a fit of laughter, but received no response, her grin fading as she looked back at her own form.

"Sooo do you have any clue what happened?" she ventured cautiously.

"It looks like we're in the pridelands," he observed. "Sora said something about this place before. He turned into a lion or something."

"Good then," she breathed in relief, if that was the case they'd return to normal as Sora had. Then she looked up at him curiously, that was, okay, not the most she'd ever heard him speak in one sitting, but practically verbose by his standards.

"Why?" Damn he was back to his monosyllable responses; she'd thought she was making progress. He had become more open recently so she decided to question him some more.

"You know how to get us back to normal then, right?"

He gently shook one horned head, "No."

"No?" She wanted to shake him. She really, really wanted to shake him. "What, you mean you know all that and you don't know how he turned _back_?"

"He's the Keyblade wielder. Things are different for him."

"If we get outta here remind me I am never doing a favor for that kid again if it involves traveling to another planet," she called out with disgust. She was trying to help Sora and instead she got turned into a baboon. _I must have bad karma._

But before she had time to ponder this she was overcome with a very strong urge to eat bugs. To quote Yuffie this was definite grossness! But she couldn't stop herself as she slowly reached for a bug, ruffling through her fur before she came across a particularly big one. There should hardly be a need to say she was freaking out. Because she was, incredibly so. "Eww, that came from on me?" She felt like a little girl in primary school because of this reaction, but she could hardly help it; the idea of bugs crawling all over you can do that to you.

She looked at Squall and he smirked at her (how that was possible in a rhino's body she'd never know but he managed). The nerve! She screeched, no, howled, at him in fury, running at him before pounding him with her tiny fists. Then, _oh look a bug!_ the monkey, baboon, whatever, mind inside of her cried out and she plopped the tasty morsel in her mouth.

She instantly felt nauseous: _Did I just do what I thought…?_ she wondered dazedly. _I really hope I didn't._

She glanced at her companion, his face kept completely neutral though she thought she could see hints of a smile. Suddenly being overcome by a playful nature not her own she leapt onto his back and then behind him, yanking on his tail and managing to keep out of his range. And that was how she learned one very important piece of information: rhino's eyesight was sorely lacking, as long as she stayed still he didn't know where she was and she could keep this up indefinitely.

After a few minutes he began to show signs of irritation, twitching his ears, eventually pulling them back flat against his head, tossing his head a bit (at which point she jumped off and tweaked his ear as she did so), and then he grunted out, "Tifa" in what Tifa had always dubbed his 'Yuffie voice'. Yup definitely irritated and in this new form his voice sounded deeper and gravelly. She snickered but her snickers turned to yelping as he heard the noise and charged at her. Eek he was going to trample her! At the last minute she launched herself into the air and then onto his back, chattering her displeasure into his ear.

He flicked his ears in distaste and she perched herself quite comfortably on his back. She certainly didn't like this form but it was fun and Leon had gotten the short end of the stick for sure.

"Hey Leon, if you could do one thing over again what would it be?"

"…I would have been ready when the-"

"—No." She smacked him atop the head for that one. She had dealt with this much too much. "I will not let you continue with that one," she snapped, frustrated. Then she plopped down on his back and sighed, massaging her forehead- she could feel the tension headache coming on. "Look, I thought you were past this!" She got up and swung around to look him in the eye, "If you're going to assign blame you can't just hog it all you know." She awkwardly patted his head with her free hand. "The truth is none of us were ready." Ugh he was just as dense as Cloud! At least he didn't argue with her and he_ seemed_ to be considering her words- it was hard to tell though; his face was normally immobile and now he was a rhino it didn't help with facial expressions or reading them.

"What about you?" he interrupted.

She knew a dismissal when she heard one and clambered back down onto the ground. She owed him a real answer. She thought for a moment. There was a lot that came to mind honestly. "Probably… all the time I spent pining after Cloud it was so… pathetic. I thought I'd loved him. I do, but not that way, not anymore, but it took so long…" And even if she didn't love Cloud anymore, even though she had a new interest in fact, that didn't mean the rejection didn't hurt still. She'd loved him for years. Thought that she could change him, save him from his demons, something. It was so stupid. Only he could do that and she'd wasted all that time. You can't force love and maybe there was something wrong with her. She just wasn't good enough. The taste of blood from the lip she'd been biting reminded her _Talking right_. An awkward silence grew and she didn't know what to say. Which left her with one cop out action: she changed the subject. Something less painful. "So what memory would you relive if you could pick one day or even just one moment?"

"I don't know… it doesn't seem like there are many pleasant memories left."

"Aw, lighten up Leon. There are plenty of good memories, you just have to treasure those moments. What about that time Yuffie's hand got caught in the munny jar just like you planned? She couldn't get out because the greedy thief wouldn't let go of the coins in her hand. We _finally_ had the proof she was the thief and she still wouldn't admit it."

Leon chuckled lightly and Tifa's eyes nearly bugged out from shock. He had a really nice laugh she noticed. "What about the stories you used to tell? You always were the storyteller... I wonder what happened?"

"Yuffie happened," Tifa commented wryly.

"Well I still remember a few of those stories. 'And then I fell into a lake'", he began in a high-pitched voice.

"Hey that is not me!" she protested, hitting him on the shoulder.

He ignored her and continued, "'And then! And then… I DIED!'"

She fell into a burst of giggles, remembering that she had told a story like that at one point and was surprised to hear his laughter mingling with hers. "Okay I'll admit maybe I was a little dramatic at one point." He snorted in response. "Hey at least I didn't go around calling people Elliot all the time," she teased loftily.

He groaned, "I'd hoped you'd forgotten that."

"Nope. No chance, Squallie using the wrong word, of course I'd remember. I have a memory like an elephant's."

"Okay so I confused Elliot with idiot, so what?" he grumbled.

"So it's funny!" she proclaimed cheerfully. "Besides, if you're going to be so pompous you should at least say it right," she teased.

"Well… how about how you used to be afraid whenever you heard the toilet flush when you were little?"

"How… how did you know that?" she demanded in a mixture of embarrassment, anger, and indignation.

"Your mother. I used to babysit you, remember?"

"Mom how could you?" she groaned dramatically. "Well, I still wasn't as bad as you! Remember how you kissed… what was her name?... Airi? Well, whatever, you liked her so you kissed her and then got so embarrassed you slapped her and ran away. And then you did the same thing to Jess!" She could almost swear he was blushing even with that thick hide.

"At least I didn't throw a tantrum when I wanted a toy and say 'When I grow up I'm gonna be a midget and beat you up!' to my mom unlike someone here."

She just stared, her mouth hanging open, before she finally conceded defeat. Nothing could top the sheer ridiculousness of that statement she'd made.

Emboldened by how unusually open he seemed right now she finally decided to ask a question which had been lurking in the back of her mind for quite some time, "Hey Leon, why did you want me to come with you?"

"Would you want to be stuck on a tiny airship with Yuffie?"

"Oh." She tried to hide her disappointment, because what had she expected him to say? 'Because I love you and desperately want to spend time with you'? But that certainly would have been a much more favorable response.

But she felt a slight stirring of hope as she asked, "Why not bring Cloud? Or Aerith?" It was a valid question Cloud's fighting possibly surpassed her own and having a healer accompanying him also could provide an advantage.

"Can you imagine trying to separate the two of them? I value my limbs enough not to even make the suggestion."

"Oh," she managed again, not bothering to hide her disappointment this time, because, after all, he couldn't see her. Not well at least.

"Tifa, are you okay?"

She blinked back the tears and lied brilliantly, "Of course I am, why?"

"Don't lie. I can still hear and I put up with Yuffie for years. I learned how to tell when a woman's lying."

"Oh. Well… it's just this whole situation; I was hoping we'd be back to normal by now."

"Whatever," he dismissed her response. He knew she was lying but he knew better than to ask now. "…So what is your favorite memory?"

"I don't know; I have so many."

"Well, maybe one day even this will be a good memory."

"It already is," she replied as she scrambled around, moving a little to keep away the boredom and perching on his neck and so she wasn't able to see his eyes narrow.

"So you're enjoying this?" he asked offhandedly.

"Well, maybe not this exactly," she gestured down at her new form, "but this situation, yeah. It's nice to have time to talk to you."

"So then what's the problem?"

"Huh?" she squeaked, confused.

"You said you were worried about the situation and then you said you're enjoying your time here. Which is it?"

"Erm both?" she ventured knowing it was a lie but she wanted to at least be consistent. But he was skeptical so she was finally forced to amend her answer "…the second one."

"So then what was the real problem?"

It was impossible to put into words just how much she really really really did not want to answer that.

_But he's been so honest with me, I can't lie to him._ And then she sighed. _He wouldn't buy it anyway, even if I tried. He's too perceptive sometimes. Except with this. Even Yuffie figured it out a few months back. _Yuffie._ And he hasn't. That's kind of sad actually in a faintly amusing sort of way. Then again it was the same with Cloud and that went just spectacularly... Maybe he just doesn't want to see it. Sort of like hoping if you ignore it long enough it will go away? S_he could feel her stomach rolling in her gut, that slightly nauseating sort of feeling and the dejection to go with it. Her heart was clenching like a vice and it was getting harder to breathe again.

She didn't want to loose him too like she'd lost Cloud. She just, she didn't want to hurt again. It hurt so much crying over Cloud and it hadn't-she didn't-she couldn't-it was just all too much. She didn't like wondering what was wrong with her. Why she wasn't good enough this time. She didn't, couldn't blame him for choosing Aerith, the girl was a saint, but it stung a lot when the two hadn't known each other for nearly as long. It hadn't been _Aerith_ searching across the planets for him... And now she was just being spiteful and mean and she hated that too because this wasn't her. It wasn't. Really. She wasn't like this; she didn't want to be._  
_

"Tifa?"_  
_

She ignored him because she needed to figure this out, didn't want awkwardness, or avoidance, or a head bowed in silence as she ran off to cry... It was better not to say anything right? _  
_

"Tifa?" It was a bit stronger now, slightly more demanding and somehow just hearing his voice and the staggering force of the concern in it, it loosened everything. She was out of her head for at least right then and she could breathe again and now her heart was just thumping a jig in her chest.

_He's a good man, such a good man. Not that Cloud isn't, but... Squall, he's kinder. He cares. Cloud... he likes to keep his distance; we couldn't ever have talked like this... Can I maybe have hope? That he cares just a little. That it's more than just friendly concern?_

Nudging her just barely and oh so gently with his big nose, snout, thing, he called out quietly, "Tifa? You okay? Look I'm sorry and if you don't want to answer, please do not. I don't want you to feel-"

He sounded so guilty it was astounding and her heart ached for him. He was always one to beat himself up over things she's learned. He took responsibility for everything and she really really didn't want to be the one to hurt him. She wanted to make him laugh, smile, wanted to memorize everything about him, kiss away any pains. So she stopped him before he could bury himself with guilt with a palm up in the air, the universal stop sign, and a quick shake of her head, before hugging the big nose that was right next to her, trying to reassure him. He immediately quieted with just that and she just felt a rush. Of affection for the man who worried about her, of hope, of happiness. Because, even if he didn't like her like that, and the idea still hurt, he'd handle it better than Cloud had. She could handle it better.

So she took a deep breath. And then wimped out. This was so embarrassing! How could she just say it? Why should she just say it? She didn't have to now. He was letting her off the hook, a get out of jail free card if you will. But... but she remembered the things she'd said to him just today, _the thing I regret most is not getting over him sooner, not realizing or saying something earlier, and spending so much of my time on Cloud._ _Thinking I could fix him and waiting would solve everything. That if I waited long enough he'd realize everything and return my feelings. And wasting all that time pining. I don't want to do that anymore. I think. Maybe._

So she blurted out as fast as she could, "Err well umm you see umm it's because I like you." His eyes had widened slightly from shock but Tifa was too busy hanging her head down a little to notice. He hadn't replied, though honestly she wasn't sure he had understood her she was tripping so bad over her words, so she waved her hands in front of her face frantically, unable to look him in the face, "But umm if you...If you don't feel the same that's okay too. We can still be friends, right?" She paused for breath, and _then_ looked back up at the rhino and couldn't read anything there from his expression. Her heart tightened and then she was sure that was some concern flashing across his face so she just pasted on a smile, "Just...don't worry. It's okay. I'm okay. You didn't do anything wrong."

But this new mood and form seemed to have changed him a little or he just wanted to hear her admit it again, "What was that?"

And her heart fell again just a little bit, _He hadn't caught that?_ though maybe she was grateful too. _So that means he didn't hear that that...awful confession._ She could feel the blood rushing to her ears and cheeks just thinking about it. And so maybe she should feel grateful. But she couldn't get up the courage to say that again. She wasn't Yuffie.

So she decided to go with a truthful answer without telling him the important parts, "Umm... I was just a little annoyed I wasn't your first choice to bring but second best." The cynical part of her wanted to add an 'again'.

"What if you were my first choice?"

She snorted, "A hypothetical question? At least I was asking real ones."

"Who said it was hypothetical?"

"No one, of course, but you'd said the only reason you didn't take Cloud or Aerith was because they're inseparable."

"I lied," he replied smoothly and she opened her mouth and closed it again, aping a fish out of water. Oh the irony of that statement. Or was it just a pun? Anyway once her brain stopped that analysis she finally choked out a little, confused "Wha?" because what he was up to?

"I wanted you to accompany me, but you didn't wish to, so I came up with some very good reasons why you were the best option."

"Okay, but why?"

There was a brief pause before he responded, "I…like you too."

"Wait you heard that?" she shrieked, burying her face in her paws, before the rest of it clicked and she jumped off him and looked him in the face. "You're serious about that?"

"Very."

She immediately decided that she had a whole other reason to hate this form that she was stuck in…

...

**A/N:** I was really unsure about this one. It was supposed to be some romance and humor... I can't write fluff and I found humor difficult without Yuffie in the mix because Yuffie is just Yuffie. I prob'ly murdered their characters but their personalities are supposed to be a little altered so...I took a few liberties. But I think Tifa is still sufficiently in her head and not giving herself enough credit and shy and strong and just a mix of different things and fears that she seems more in character now. And Leon is more open without being too chatty hopefully. He doesn't seem the type to waste words but i can see him being more open with her obviously.

please don't think i'm bashing yuffie. I love her she's awesome and fun to write. i think she's just underestimated and uses that to her advantage.

please r&r. if you hadn't already read this just let me know what you think overall, I wasn't sure how to end it so i hope this is good. if you had read it before let me know if you liked it better back then or now. you can leave anon reviews if you'd already reviewed (if so please put your username so i can find you to reply! i love reviews!) or just pm me.

Oh another thing would anyone want me to do more with this fic? I am tempted to do something from his perspective, figuring out how it might have started, what might have happened, etc. Or I could possibly do something set after this point but again i'd like to see from his perspective.

Also a rant. I hate this site! urgh i had edited this thing and was saving the changes but it had logged me out. *insert various colorful curses directed at the site* It had been good. and i had to try to remember what i changed. ugh. Parts are probably better but some parts i fear are worse.


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